I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
COCAINE IS GR8
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
