i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
