i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
