Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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