I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
