I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
