My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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