I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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