to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
