The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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