apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
