Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
