A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
birth control should be required to get into college
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize
