I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
