oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
well you can't waste a boner
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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