I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
