I CAN MOONWALK!
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
