im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
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