i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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