I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
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