so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
