Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
How's work?
Spinning.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
