Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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