Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Operation Purity has been aborted
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize