He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
