as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
