I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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