Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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