one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
i've created a new STD.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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