I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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