Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
