My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
