I just saw a hot homeless man
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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