I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
