I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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