last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
