my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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