new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
