I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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