Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
