People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
