I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
