Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
