apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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