I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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