Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
