they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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