Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
