So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
