Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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