She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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