It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Randomize
