is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
