I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Someone stole a lamp last night.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
