Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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