Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
time to smoke my breakfast
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
