OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize