then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
