If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
