Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
