dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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