i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
