The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Actions speak louder than pants.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
