is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Randomize
