is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
