three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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