You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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