thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
