Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
