you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
