Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
