her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
