You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
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please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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