I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
